Shibari: What it is and how to practice
Publicado: 2025-04-08 11:09:59
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You may know it as Japanese rope bondage or the term “kinbaku,” but Shibari is a contemporary form of rope bondage that originated in Japan. The term “shibari” literally means “to tie” and kinbaku means “to tie tightly.” .
This sexual practice can be enjoyed by all genders, body types, and sexual orientations, and it's basically a great way to bring healthy communication, trust, and spice to your bedroom play, no matter how kinky you get into BDSM. So here's everything you need to know about rope bondage that can greatly improve your sex life.
What is Shibari?
Simply put, shibari is the act of tying a person up for aesthetic purposes. Perhaps in a beautiful or intricate pattern, usually using some kind of rope. And although shibari is most often used as a means of sexual pleasure, historically, it has been used as a form of meditation, relaxation, and trust-building practice between two partners.
How is it different from traditional Bondage?
Bondage, in general, can use any type of restraint, handcuffs, tape, ties, scarves, etc., but shibari exclusively refers to the practice of using rope, or rope-like material, to tie yourself or your partner down. .
And although rope bondage is commonly used in BDSM practices, shibari stands out for its striking visual aesthetic and emphasis on the emotional and psychological connection between participants.
How to start if you are interested in shibari?
As with engaging in any new sexual experience, it's critical to communicate your boundaries and hard boundaries before you begin. Because rope bondage involves restraint and power dynamics, the tied person may not clearly express boundaries. For this reason, make sure you have a clear discussion in advance about what you both want from the experience, what's on and off the table, and how you'll communicate if there are any issues.
It's worth developing a safe word (like “Pineapple” or “red”) that can convey to your partner that the scene is going too far or that there is a limit to be crossed. Here are some questions you should ask and answer with your partner beforehand:
- How do you look and sound when things look good for you?
- How will I know if you're having fun?
- How will I know when I need to change course?
- What kind of mood or feelings do we want to have while playing (rough, tender, mischievous, careful, etc.)?
After establishing the boundaries, you should familiarize yourself with the basics. Here are some things you need to know to get started:
- Learn to tie a “single column tie” (like a Somerville Bowline) because that is the foundation of practice.
- Start with a floor tie-down instead of going straight to suspension. This ensures you practice the proper methods before jumping into air suspension.
- Have safety scissors handy… for obvious reasons.
- Make sure you have a safe and comfortable space to play. It should be familiar to both parties.
- The preferred rope material is jute because it is a strong natural fiber, but hemp and cotton also work.
- Lastly, educate yourself with videos, resources, books, and anything else you can find on the subject to ensure healthy and safe practices.
Understand the roles involving Shibari
There is the person who throws the ropes, which means they are tying. And there is the person who receives the strings. It means she's being tied up. Whoever dominates the experience is the one who commands, while whoever receives follows the instructions.
Often, the person being tied up is also dominant and the person on the receiving end is submissive. But you can also be the one who directs and dominates the other to tie him as he wants to be tied; this would fall under the heading of dominant masochist. The submissive partner who follows directions and ties up the other can be called a submissive-sadist.
Let's not forget individual pleasures: you can get tied up just because it feels good or enhances your fantasy. Everyone is participating with fully engaged and collaborative consent. This is important. What people get from shibari play - physically, emotionally, and sensually - varies enormously and widely. There are as many pleasures as there are people who enjoy shibari. But here are a few.
The one who is tying might like:
- Play the role of the mischievous “villain”.
- Delight in the fact that your partner is able to let go and feel pleasure.
- Play with shadow safely.
- A sense of joy.
- Good sex positions.
- Feel emotionally connected.
- The recipient can enjoy:
- Being able to let go emotionally and physically.
- The feel of the rope and/or the feeling of tightness.
- The potential to improve sensual perceptions and/or orgasms.
- Representation of roles such as “snatched”.
- Sex positions that are easier to maintain when the ropes are supporting you.
- Play in shadows safely.
- Feeling emotionally connected.
Why should you try shibari instead of regular bondage?
All BDSM practices require high levels of trust and communication, but for shibari, there is sometimes a more intimate and emotionally binding component. The feeling of being tied down is not the feeling of being 'trapped', but rather lends itself to the idea of completely letting go of physical boundaries and allowing this deep emotional catharsis to happen.
The play between power dynamics and the release of bottom-up control creates an intimate dance of trust and connection between partners. This often creates a deep emotional connection, sometimes felt as crying, euphoria, or simply a sense of deeper connection.
Choose your accessories carefully
Safety ropes and scissors are the basics. Everything beyond that is a bonus. One of the delights of rope and shibari is that you don't need much to get started. Of course, some people really enjoy purchasing a lot of sophisticated equipment, just like in any leisure and pleasure activity. But shibari doesn't require you to have expensive ropes made from hemp, jute or other fibers. For a warm and easy game for beginners, I recommend starting with a nice soft cotton shibari rope.
Why cotton and not sophisticated materials like jute or hemp? It's soft on the skin, holds knots well, is unlikely to irritate allergies, and is easy to wash after sexy, messy fun. Cotton is also good for a budget: because it's cheap, you can buy a lot and wear it without feeling precious or overly delicate. It is easier to shorten it to the desired length or cut it in case of emergency.
Basic Shibari Positions
A simple idea to try, especially if it's your first time: start with your favorite sexual position and use the ropes to tie the receiving partner in that way. Another simple position: Tie your right wrist to your right thigh and your left wrist to your left thigh. If the receiving partner is a little more flexible, try from the wrists to the ankles.
If parts of your body feel tingling, change positions and see if they return to normal. Signs that something is not going well and you should use your safety scissors: The strings are so tight that you feel a tingling sensation or the color, texture or normal temperature of the skin changes drastically.
