How to have an orgasm after menopause
Publicado:
2022-10-24 14:50:06
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As you approach menopause, you may start to worry that your sex life is about to change – and not for the better. Menopause occurs when you haven't had your period for 1 year. The earlier transition years, often marked by symptoms such as sleep problems, hot flashes, infrequent or irregular periods, are known as perimenopause.
These completely normal changes can still feel frustrating, in part because they affect the way sex feels and also your level of sexual desire – declining sexual desire is a common symptom of perimenopause.
That said, if you've ever heard or read that you won't be able to orgasm after menopause, know that it's completely untrue. Orgasms – and great sex – are still absolutely possible, during menopause and beyond. A few small changes can go a long way towards increasing your pleasure during sex – alone or in a partnership – and increasing physical and emotional intimacy with your partner(s).
If you're trying to orgasm right now, try this
You really want to have an orgasm, but for whatever reason, you just can't get there. This can seem so discouraging that eventually you may decide that there is no point in trying and giving up completely. While you can try a few different things to make an orgasm happen, it's also important to keep in mind that you can still have fun, even without an orgasm.
Focusing on the pleasure you're experiencing in the moment without fixating on orgasm as a specific goal can help you get there faster. For more satisfying sex, alone or with a partner, try these tips.
Buy a lubricant
It is typical to experience vaginal dryness during and after the menopausal transition. As the levels of estrogen and progesterone in your body begin to drop, your vagina produces less.
lubrication, even during excitation. This decrease in natural lubrication can make penetrative sex uncomfortable, even painful for some.
A lubricant can smooth the way to more pleasurable sex. Lube can also help alleviate friction when it comes to direct clitoral stimulation, which can help you achieve orgasm with clitoral stimulation alone.
Try some direct stimulation
During the menopausal transition, blood flow to the vagina and clitoris decreases. If you usually need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, well, the resulting decrease in sensitivity can make orgasm more difficult to achieve. Harder doesn't mean impossible! It may take a little longer or require a new approach, but try these tips:
• Touch: Start touching, rubbing or caressing your clitoris – or ask your partner(s) to do so. Lubricant, as mentioned above, can make a difference and reduce friction and increase your pleasure.
• Oral sex: Oral sex can be a great way to get things done. It stimulates your clit to begin with, but it also offers the added bonus of lubrication.
• Vibrators: Using a vibrator regularly, during sex alone or with a partner, can help you increase sensitivity and make it easier to reach orgasm.
Take time to kiss and touch
Changing hormones can also mean it takes you longer to get aroused or feel like having sex. Spending more time in erogenous play and non-physical intimacy doesn't just increase your arousal. It can also help you feel more connected to your partner. Try this:
• Take turns with your partner giving each other sensual massages
• bathe by candlelight together
• Dirty talk (This can be as simple as talking about things you'd like to try or reminiscing about past sexual experiences.)
These ideas work just as well when it comes to getting in the mood for solo sex too.
Keep the room cool
Getting hot can make you sticky and sweaty. If you also have hot flashes to contend with, you may feel uncomfortably hot, which can quickly kill an intimate mood. Adding a fan in the bedroom, keeping water close at hand, and staying hydrated throughout the day can help keep you cool while things heat up between you and your partner(s).
You can even get some ice cubes to use during sex. Cooling sensations throughout the body can increase arousal in some people.
Where does this misconception come from?
The idea that it's impossible to reach orgasm when you hit menopause is probably related to the fact that many people have a harder time reaching climax when the menopausal transition begins. It's also common to have less interest in sex in general, so you may stop prioritizing sex or make time for it.
This myth may also have something to do with outdated and completely inaccurate ideas about sexuality. Menopause, of course, marks the end of the childbearing years and the transition into middle age and later adulthood. For some, this shift may suggest an end to sexual desirability. However, contrary to what others may believe or suggest, sex and continued sexual pleasure in middle age and old age is typical, healthy, and absolutely possible.
What can make orgasm more difficult during this time?
Any of the menopausal changes you experience can make orgasm more challenging. But changes in sex drive and sexual pleasure are often related to a combination of factors.
Physical Symptoms of Menopause
Changing hormones, along with physical changes in the vagina, can lead to symptoms that affect your sex life, including:
• vaginal tightness, dryness and irritation
• leakage of urine or incontinence
• decreased libido
• less sensitivity of the clitoris
• pain during sex
Interest in sex may also decrease in response to changes that occur in other parts of the body, including:
• Difficulty sleeping
• muscle aches and pains
• frequent headaches
• fatigue
• heat waves
• changes in body shape and size
Emotional changes
Menopause can also involve emotional and mental health symptoms, such as:
• increased irritability
• frequent mood swings
• feelings of anxiety or depression
• relationship or workplace stress
• worry and stress about life changes or illness
These symptoms may be related to physical changes (sexual and non-sexual) associated with menopause or to various external factors.
What can you do if you are dealing with...?
Menopause symptoms can show up in different ways, and not everyone will have the same concerns. Here are some possible strategies to help you deal with any of the changes you may be facing.
Vaginal dryness
Generally speaking, the best solution for dryness is more lubricant. A thicker lubricant can help increase sexual pleasure and reduce discomfort and pain. Just be sure to choose your lubricant carefully, as some lubricants can cause irritation or even allergic reactions. Avoid scented or flavored lubricants to help reduce your chances of vaginal irritation.
Silicone-based lubricants generally last longer than other types and are hypoallergenic. You can also talk to your doctor about getting an estrogen cream prescription. Applying this cream to the vaginal opening can help with natural lubrication if the lubricant does not produce the desired results.
Vaginal tightness
Having sex regularly can help prevent vaginal discomfort. Regular sex doesn't always have to happen with a partner. Solo sex is a great way to feel more comfortable exploring what's good for you. Using a softer glass dildo can help you enjoy penetration without friction or irritation.
With a partner, don't hesitate to be creative. Try different positions until you find one that is comfortable. Positions to try if you feel pain include:
• missionary
• You on top
• penetration in the 'cup' position
Don't forget, sex doesn't have to involve penetration. Feel free to skip penetration altogether and try something else, like oral sex or mutual masturbation.
Incontinence
A small leak of urine can happen at any time in life, but it usually becomes more common as you enter menopause. Sneezing, laughing, intense activity or sudden movement can lead to involuntary peeing – something you could probably do without during sex.
Kegel exercises can help strengthen the pelvic floor and reduce urinary leakage, but they can also lead to better orgasms. A win situation anyway, right? Keeping a towel nearby – and having a sense of humor – can also help. After all, sex involves all kinds of fluids. What is one more, in the grand scheme of things?
Loss of libido or decreased arousal
Changing hormone levels can affect your sexual interest, but other factors can also play a role in libido. Are you taking any regular medication? It is worth checking to see if any of these can affect libido and asking a healthcare professional about trying a different medication.
Persistent changes in your mood? Stress, depression and anxiety can affect desire, so it never hurts to talk to a therapist or other mental health professional if you are experiencing mood swings. Having trouble getting in the mood? Try reading or watching erotica – alone or with your partner – or sharing sexual fantasies with each other.
Are there any positive sexual changes that can occur during this period?
You may find that there is a positive side to this transition as well. By now, you probably know a lot about what you like and don't like sexually. Your sense of self-confidence may also be stronger and more developed than at earlier times in your life.
Increasing confidence and self-awareness can help to lower inhibitions, and facilitate communication and connection with your partner. Also, if you have raised children who have already left home, you can enjoy more privacy and intimate leisurely encounters rather than having to rush things when family members are out and about or sleeping.
Is there anything you can try during solo sex?
Solo sex isn't just something to do when you don't have a partner. It can be an enjoyable and empowering activity in its own right. If you are not in the habit of masturbating regularly, take time for physical self-exploration to get to know your body a little better. Focus on what's good, and you may find it easier to reach orgasm without frustration.
Sex toys, like vibrators and dildos, can increase arousal and sexual satisfaction — especially when masturbation doesn't quite get there.
What about during partner sex?
Communication is an essential part of good sex at any stage of life, but it becomes even more important now. Talk openly with your partner(s) about menopausal changes and how they are affecting you to help reduce stress about how these changes may affect your relationship.
Regular communication can also increase emotional intimacy, strengthen your relationship, and enhance your physical connection. Open conversations allow you to explore solutions together, such as:
• try alternate positions or types of touching when you feel uncomfortable
• spend more time on erogenous play
• plan and set aside time for sex
You can also try sex toys with a partner. For a sexy way to find something new to try, why not browse online sex toy stores together?
