Are your sex dreams trying to tell you something?
Publicado: 2023-10-31 11:46:19
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One minute, you're falling asleep. Next, you're confused AF after dreaming that you have sex with someone completely meaningless, for example, Shrek. So what do sex dreams mean? Before you think you're subconsciously attracted to Shrek, know that a lot of sex dreams don't actually have much to do with the act itself. While intimacy dreams often feel “normal” when centered on a current or ex-lover, they can also be seemingly illogical.
The numbers behind sex dreams
Does it start while you're falling asleep? It's more common than you might think and isn't necessarily linked to a raging libido. It turns out: they are quite common. In fact, sex dreams accounted for about 8% of all reported dreams — more than 3,500 — in a study by Antonio Zadra, PhD, at the University of Montreal. (Dream Reports from Both Men and Women Consist of Some Form of Sexual-Related Activity - American Academy of Sleep Medicine – Association for Sleep Clinicians and Researchers)
As reported by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), intercourse was the most frequent type of sexual dream content among both men and women. The runners-up were listed as:
- sexual proposals
- kissing
- fantasies
- masturbation
And the grand finale: Men and women reported having orgasms in about 4% of their sex dreams. Rippling waves of pleasure or not, ask a professional, and they'll tell you that the meaning behind these smoky mid-sleep scenarios isn't usually about sex. Therefore, we must not think of them so literally.
While you can delve into the dirty details of each type of sex dream, there are some overarching themes to keep in mind when evaluating any of these sensual specifics.
Sex dreams can link past feelings with the present
Raise your hand if you've slept with your ex in your dreams. Sometimes it's a delicious fantasy, other times you wake up like, “Oh no. Come on subconscious, why did you do that?” Anyway, sex with an ex is one of the most common. According to expert dream analyst Layne Dalfen, sex dreams about ex-lovers can reveal a lot about what's going on in your current life.
“All the partners you've ever had are in the same [mental] file as other important relationships in your life,” explains Dalfen. For example, she continues: “If something happens between my husband and me, and I walk away feeling rejected, the mental file opens that night in my dreams, and I can choose a boyfriend I had when I was 18. This is because that boyfriend made me feel exactly the way my husband made me feel before.” In other words, both past and present lover are essentially interchangeable in dreamland.
Interestingly, the study mentioned above found that 20% of women – compared to 14% of men – reported having current or past partners in sex dreams. If you are sleeping with an ex in your dreams, ask yourself, “What are the first things that come to mind when I think of this person?” Whether it's affectionate nostalgia or heartbreaking rejection, there is likely a link to your current reality.
They can illustrate qualities you want to develop in yourself
Turns out your sex dream with Shrek might not be so meaningless after all. If you're getting along with random people in your dreams, take a closer look at their characteristics. “If you're at a point in your life where you really need to say or do something, but you're scared – you might end up sleeping with your boss in your dreams, because he probably has that powerful, assertive quality that you need in yourself.” , says Dalfen. In this scenario, it is something that is missing in your life and you want. “If you're already in bed with this trait in your dreams, so to speak, you're probably closer to achieving the trait in real life,” she adds.
For non-single people, this can manifest in dreams about cheating – there is something about that person you are sleeping with in your dream. You are probably approaching another part of yourself through someone else, perhaps a part that is not being expressed in your current relationship. That being said, dreams about betrayal can also be interpreted literally. If you're feeling dissatisfied, don't be surprised if your mind wanders into dreamland or a fantasy of freedom.
They can directly mirror current situations
Some people have sex dreams about those they would never want to sleep with in real life, but somehow it's pleasurable in the dreams, causing them to wake up extremely confused. When asked about an example, Dalfen dove into an anecdote about a client who had sex dreams involving someone she never wanted to sleep with "in a million years," as they put it.
“I asked her, 'What do you think you've done recently, something you thought you'd never do in a million years, but loved every minute of it?'” she says. Low and lo and behold, the client was able to connect a recent real-life experience to the abstract scenario within the dream. It was the subconscious expression of trying something completely new, mirroring the real world, as strange as a metaphor may seem.
You can also be super excited
Simply put, a large part of sex dreams are essays that remind you of what it's like to feel good. If you have a sex dream, maybe you've forgotten what it's like to be aroused. Think of it as your subconscious helping you. The orgasms we have in our dreams are really real, a dream call to "take care of business".
So, if you wake up a little dizzy from a deliciously sleepy orgasm, take this as a suggestion to do the same thing without dreaming.
